Chapter 333: Smack, Wok, Kiss
[Guuhh,] Nepherage groaned, [why does my head feel like it’s been massaged with a power grinder?]
[Because we technically all took one to the head last night,] Hurricroak answered, [morning sleepyhead.]
[Morning…]
[I’d offer you a coffee, but I don’t want to interrupt the show…also I don’t think we need coffee…]
[That’s fi-wait, show?]
[Remember when you said Lady Jin Fang punched our lord in the stomach after coming back from the dead without her knowing?]
[Yeah-oh. Ohhh… shouldn’t we stop her?]
[I don’t want to die…again…]
[What was that?]
[Nothing.]
[Prepare…for… impact…]
[I still think he could dodge it.]
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The entirety of Zhen Liu’s foray into Insect Hell had been done in the course of a single night and in total secrecy.
At least that’s what he thought when it came to that latter bit.
As Zhen Liu awoken from his well-deserved slumber, he failed to notice a justifiably angry presence in the room with him, sitting at the foot of the bed…armed with a frying pan.
“Ahhh. That was a good-”
<=Duck.=>
“Huh?” *Bonk!* “Gah!”
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[Spoke too soon.]
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“Xiao Liu! What did you do this time?!”
Before he could comprehend why Logos and Pathos warned him of impending doom, Jin Fang threw a rather sizable frying pan directly at his head that immediately bounced off it and back into her hand.
=Thankfully it didn’t hit his eye…=
Whether that was testament to Jin Fang’s throwing skills or hard Zhen Liu’s skull was was up for debate.
It was a good thing he was (mostly) indestructible though, otherwise that would have killed him…maybe. It still hurt like a bitch though.
“I…feel like I should ask why you assaulted me with cookware first thing in the morning, but I have the feeling you’re going to tell me.”
“What did you promise me after you came back from the dead?,” Jin Fang asked with an accusatory tone while pointing the frying pan like a sword at Zhen Liu’s face. Evidently, Zhen Liu had no means of placating her at the moment, so he decided it was best to just go along with it.
“To, uh…not sneak out in the middle of the night without telling you?”
“And what did you do last night?”
“Snuck out in the middle of the night without telling you. To be fair, you were fast asleep and I had the kaijin with m-”
*CLANG!* ”
“GAH!”
=Not that kissing would help in this moment.=
“Is the pan really necessary?,” Zhen Liu asked while rubbing his cheek like he was just lightly slapped and not smacked upside the head with a hunk of metal.
“For when I need to scold my thick-headed boyfriend for sneaking out in the middle of the night and then coming back the next morning at the same time as three mysterious beautiful women carrying two jugs of Sacred Beast Essence and a letter from a ‘mysterious master’? Yes, the pan is really necessary and you’re lucky I didn’t bring Miss Daria’s toolboxes,” Jin Fang answered while gearing up for another swing.
=Did she say “boxes”?=
“Wait,” Zhen Liu held up a hand to pause the conversation and stop the swinging pan, “are you mad at me for sneaking out last night or the people that I brought back with me? Because if it helps, two out of three of them are actually kaijin.”
“Oh really? Which two?,” Jin Fang asked with a lighter tone.
“I think they’re going by Aranea and Lucille? Their real names are Archanidame and Lacerage. Pathos and Logos helped me to name them.”
“So the red-headed pale skinned amazon with the adorable personality isn’t a kaijin?,” Jin Fang sweetly asked in a tone that should have set off several red flags by now.
“No, Rianna isn’t a kaijin, but I did have to rescue her several times last night from an insect abomination…that almost ate us,” Zhen Liu answered while being blissfully unaware of the warning bells.
=Milord, I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but shut the fuck up.=
“And…where did you fight this…insect abomination?”
“Inside of a giant spider corpse at the bottom of a jungle chasm called Insect Hell…which is also where I found the materials necessary to make Archanidame and Lacerage…and the jugs of Sacred Beast Essence.”
“Uh huh…so to sum up, you snuck out in the middle of the night, risked your life by going to a place called Insect Hell, risked it again to rescue a girl you met randomly in Insect Hell from an abomination,whatever that is, and then came back from said life harrowing adventure with two new kaijin and the aforementioned girl?”
“Yeah! I also bro-hold up…”
=Now he realizes he fucked up?=
When Jin Fang relayed everything back to him, Zhen Liu realized that at some point, he fucked up.
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[Wow.]
[Yeah.]
[Just…wow!]
[Milord…is…dumbass…]
[I think it’s more accurate to say he’s dense…and a dumbass.]
[Was she this mad the last time he came back from the dead?]
[No…she’s even madder now.]
[Uh oh.]
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“Uhh…before you smack me again with the frying pan, are you mad at me for bringing Rianna back here or the fact that I risked my life again to do something stupid?,” Zhen Liu asked, now aware of the hole and mentally noting that he might as well dig a little deeper.
“The latter more than the former, can’t fault you for being a good person.”
“Oh…okay.”
“I can however fault you for risking your life again without taking into account how it affects the people around you despite coming back from the dead,” Jin Fang said with anger and worry in her voice.
“Fair enough…you know I love you, right?”
“Not enough to tell me when you were sneaking out last night?”
“Honestly, it was to keep you safe from my shenanigans and I thought I’d be back sooner rather than later,” Zhen Liu weakley defended.
Jin Fang just stared at him, still angry.
“…”
“…”
“… you’re going to hit me with that pan again aren’t you?”
“Nope.”
“Really?”
“Gonna use the wok.”
“What?”
*WOK!*
Out of nowhere, Zhen Liu was smacked upside the head with one of the big woks that the family normally uses to make breakfast.
While it still didn’t hurt, it did cause his senses to spin for a bit.
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Disclaimer: do not hit your significant other with cookware. Your partner is not an indestructible isekaied traveller, they’re mortal too.
Or they are and haven’t told you yet.
Still…
Don’t hit your loved ones.
Unless it’s with consent.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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‘Wait…who told her I snuck out last night if she was fast asleep,’ Zhen Liu realized while his head was spinning.
He was about to ask Jin Fang about this matter, but then got unceremoniously interrupted for a good reason.
“Now then, with your punishment for risking your life in a stupid manner out of the way,” Jin Fang said as she placed the cookware down and grabbed Zhen Liu’s cheeks, “I can now reward you for proving once again why I fell in love with you.”
“Wait, what?”
Before Zhen Liu could fully comprehend the statement, Jin Fang kissed him. Passionately.
So much so that he was now more dazed from that than from getting smacked with a pan.
Once it was over, he sat there for a couple moments confused as all hell.
“Now then, I’m going to go help Rianna settle in as part of the Clan, I suggest you figure out your cover story with the kaijin,” Jin Fang said as she up from her seat on the bed and straightened her clothes out.
“Uhh…Kay.”
Zhen Liu watched as Jin Fang exited the room with surprisingnease as if nothing happened…moments before falling backwards into bed with his hands on his face.
‘I feel like I should address her smacking me when she’s upset…but a part of me also gets excited from it…and I can’t tell if it’s because of the previous guy’s influence or me…,’ Zhen Liu wondered in-between embarrassed groans.
Evidently, there were two groups watching that had an opinion on this matter.
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[So…Jin Fang is just the walking talking embodiment of the Slap-Slap-Kiss trope…is that healthy?,] Hurricroak observed.
[I’m not entirely sure, but at least it’s better to be honest with one’s feelings as opposed to dancing around them and having them spill out in heated misunderstandings,] Nepherage added.
[True.]
[Angry… romance…]
[Not there yet, and I’m still betting on the sheep girl going first.]
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“Huh…I think you’ve done too good of a job of training Jin Fang to be your protege.”
“To be fair, our son did do something risky and stupid without us knowing…it’s only fair the one punishing him be someone who loves him.”
“That’s not us?”
“Please, how often did you disregard your parents lecturing?”
“…fair enough.”
