Chapter 821: …can fix a lot of problems
The Boys get Blue Balled.
*Bing-Bong*
The following scene has been removed because including it would definitely get our age rating bumped from rated R to Adults Only.
However, in order to provide a visual aid as to suggest why we’re removing this scene, the writer has provided this mental image.
Take a fully grown carrot, stick into a metal pipe and then bend the pipe and carrot at a ninety degree angle.
Now, have that happen three times to a very important part of the human anatomy.
Anyways, we will instead be picking up to the part where…Spring Brawler and Screamira confront Paralust just as she was about to take over a human host saturated in lust, only to be denied her right because timing is a massive bitch.
We apologize for the redaction, and we’ll be returning to your regularly scheduled chapter shortly.
Thank you.
…
Carrot in a pipe? Really?
|Would you prefer it if I had written, hotdog in a sword sheath?|
That…fair enough.
*Bing-Bong*
________________________________________
After several moments of running down hallways that morphed from looking like distorted bookshelves into the interior of the world’s oldest bathhouse brothel, Spring Brawler and Screamira had finally found out where Paralust was hiding exactly.
Although, hiding may have been a rather strong word for this moment.
[S-subtlety isn’t her strong suit, is it?]
[No. No it is not.]
The kaijin/proto-kaijin duo had found themselves standing before a large stone door that appeared to have been carved to depict a literal orgy. No matter where the duo looked at the door, there was always some lascivious act being performed somewhere.
It should be noted that while Screamira and Spring Brawler weren’t exactly prudes or prejudice against sexual depictions, it was still fucking uncomfortable having to interact with a door that was essentially an orgy sealed in a wood frame. Granted, it also didn’t help that the door knob was positioned in a way that it looked liked it was the personal “knob” of one of the carved orgy attendees.
Spring Brawler and Screamira stood there for a hot minute discussing who should be the one to touch the door, until Screamira opted to just follow her namesake and let loose a powerful scream that blew the door wide open.
All they had to do now was simply walk right in.
[Well, this place is…interesting.]
[Creepy, the word you’re looking for is creepy.]
[I mean…]
When Screamira and Spring Brawler passed the door’s threshold, both of them were greeted by the sight of a black, pink and red office space/dungeon that employed evolved zakos as pieces of living furniture. If they were human, this scene would’ve been in someone’s fetish folder by now.
Thankfully though, it didn’t take the kaijin too long to find the parasitic woman of the hour.
[I get that the zakos don’t exactly have souls and have less braincells than a newborn puppy, but I still find it messed up that they’re being used as furniture…]
[Well, you can take it up with their leader because she is right over there.]
[Fina-what the fuck is she sitting on?]
[I’m not sure, but those three idiots from before appear to be having the time of their lives.]
The aforementioned embodiment of sin didn’t notice when Screamira and Spring Brawler showed up, because she was too busy staring at a set of monitors that displayed Simos, Victor and Graff, falling deeper and deeper into the honey trap she had prepared for them.
Balls deep, as it were.
In fact, she was so enamored with the monitors and the noises coming out of them, that she only realized Screamira and Spring Brawler were present when one of the zakos making up her throne got her attention.
[Hmmm. I’ll think I’ll go for the leader with the Spatial Beaver bloodline…should give me some strange abilities, like the ability to send people to a lustful limbo on command…]
*Pat Pat.*
[Hmmm?]
[That cannot be a comfortable angle to bend that arm.]
[Ah, so the prodigal daughter returns to me at last! Alongside the stunted circus clown, how quaint,] Paralust commented as she got off her throne of zakos to look at Screamira and Spring Brawler.
Without missing a beat though, Spring Brawler and Screamira addressed the ludicrous claims coming out of her non-existent mouth.
[Hey, fuck you!,] Spring Brawler retorted,[I’m still trying to figure out what my core is, thank you very much.]
[Yeah, also, I’m not entirely sure if I can consider you my parent…,] Screamira added.
[Why? Afraid you’re going to develop an Electra Complex with Papa Liu or an Oedipus complex over yours truly?]
[Stop that!]
[Ew…]
Uncaring, or perhaps enjoying the squirming, Paralust ignored the kaijin responses and opted to simply snap her fingers. This little action prompted all of the zakos in the room to get out of their questionable BDSM positions in order to take on proper fighting stances.
Sensing that things we’re going to get messy, Screamira and Spring Brawler reciprocated in kind and got ready to throw down as well.
[Well, my darling child and half-formed cousin, while I’d love to stick around and make the family tree into a wreath-]
[Stop that!]
[-I have a body or three to claim. So I’ll be on my way to-]
*Knock!*
[What the fuck?]
*The sound of three things that should never be broken, breaking at the same time.*
“GAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”
[WHAT THE FUCK?!]
[Oh…]
[I don’t even have one of those, and I could feel it from here.]
Before either side could make a move, the world around them suddenly shifted to the side as if someone smacked the whole building and caused everyone inside to move a bit to the right.
Screamira, Spring Brawler, Paralust and the zakos weren’t really affected, but the three people behind Paralust’s monitors definitely were.
As the howls of pain reverberated in Paralust’s room, a single question was asked.
[What…what just happened?]
To which, multiple answers could be given but only one of them was timed with mockery in mind.
[I’m going to go with…your perfectly planned vessels suddenly breaking,is what happened.]
[Exact-wait…why does it feel like the floor is elevating?]
________________________________________
If a quick knock can work on a broken jukebox, it can work on a dead body too.
‘Welp, my mother appears to be doing something ominous and is somehow able to leverage [Chaos] because of fucking course she’s able to leverage [Chaos]…actually, maybe I should’ve been a touch more suspicious when she knew Nepherage’s name almost immediately…ah well, at least I’ll be back in my body so-‘THUNK-‘what the fuck? Wait…why did I stop moving?’
…
=I mean, his soul is literally stuck.=
=I don’t know, this is new territory for both of us.=
Since the kaijin were taking care of the intruders, and their lord’s mother was just standing outside doing something weird, Logos and Pathos decided that the best course of action was to revive Zhen Liu ASAP.
That way he could handle the issues himself and prove himself to be a capable leader with a silver tongue, and not because they didn’t want to go through the effort themselves.
However, there was a snag.
Despite Logos’s best efforts to create an array capable of neutralizing the effects of the [Ghost Flame] and the [Violet Berserker Spring Flame], their work was only half capable at best.
[Chaos] may have been a powerful substitute, but it was still a substitute nonetheless. Well, that and one other slightly dumber reason.
=Wait a minute…=
Logos had an unamused expression on their face as they looked over the situation once more, only to be outright annoyed having confirmed her guess.
=Oh, dammit! Is that seriously the issue?!=
=Alright, this is going to sound incredibly stupid, but…you know how natural treasure flames are smaller than the soul of a cultivator?=
=Stop making references.=
=Right, so I had made the array based on the idea that we’d be extracting the two aether flames from his body, in sequence, using the force of their extensions so that we could shove his soul back in without that much damage being inflicted.=
=Unfortunately, I did not calculate the possibility that the combined power of these two aether flames would be about the same mass as our lord’s soul and that they would be intertwined as a result.=
=More or less…yeah.=
Needless to say, Pathos couldn’t help but laugh their ass off over this revelation.
For his part, Logos just kept quiet while maintaining the same unamused look. Normally, Logos would be more forgiving on the laughing fits, but time was of the essence, so he decided to interrupt.
=You done?=
=Well…either we rework the entire array from the beginning and undo any progress we made.=
=Or we somehow subject his soul to a big enough shock that-=
*KNOCK!*
*BAM!*
“Gasp!”
=-that happens…what the fuck?=
