“….” Hearing her words, he slightly leaned back, his eyes shifting towards the moon, his hands placed on the roof surface to support him. With a calm voice, he informed, “I hate the word ‘Love’.”
“You can’t hate something just because it doesn’t work out once,” Esme understood that it was a love failure, but doubting the existence of love due to one person’s mistake wasn’t feasible.
“Exactly, it’s 7.” With a slight chuckle, Ryuk added, taking a peek at her before turning towards the moon, which seemed much more beautiful today.
[Host, you sound like a piece of tra— ERROR!]
‘Try it again, and you are dead.’ Already somewhat habitual of using his ability, surrounding the system into an isolated space was not tough, though it could break free if tried. Which doesn’t seem right now.
“Does it mean I am 8th?” Esme’s mouth twitched visibly, not understanding how her luck could be this bad to be outrun by seven. “Wait!”
thump thump
“What is your age?” Esme instantly leaned forward, supporting herself with her hands, her heart racing rapidly, looking at the agape mouth of the young man who seemed to realize his slip of tongue.
“…17,” Ryuk wasn’t aware of the maturity system in this world, but at least from his previous life, he knew that 18 was the minimum in Heindal.
GASP
“He-He-He,” with eyes losing faith in humanity, broken fragments of laughter, and her face looking aside at the ground, Esme understood that this world didn’t belong to an old-fashioned lady like her.
‘It’s become more messy now,’ Ryuk himself understood that instead of giving her a valid reason, now he was entangled in confusion.
“So, I was saying, due to already experiencing seven times, it’s hard to trust,” not finding any other way to continue, he informed while not focusing on the mess just formed here.
‘…..’ Esme too somewhat recovered and accepted her own backward thinking, turned towards him, seeing his face fixed in the direction of the moon, the light falling on that face with a strong jawline, clear skin, and that smile playing on his lips.
Reciprocating his smile, tilting her head, she added, “Why do you think it was love? It can be just momentary affection.”
“You do know, right, that affection is what we normally call love?” Ryuk pointed out since it does mean that if we want to always remain by someone’s side, then it is what one calls love.
“Oh my, for real, don’t tell me you were confused in both of them till now,” with a chuckle, clearing her slight tears formed due to his words.
Esme turned her eyes towards the young man who was looking at her with narrowed gaze, making her understand she needed to explain it in a better language, “You mean a lot to me.”
Saying that, her fingers crawled to his, which were resting on the floor, again saying, “You are my everything.”
“Now, tell me, what was the difference between them?” Retreating her hand, folding it, she inquired.
‘….’ Ryuk blankly looked at her. Though there were somewhat similarities, that touch was different, more physical, but still, he was not satisfied, adding, “It could be that I misinterpreted love and affection, but for me, love needs a compromise of one’s time, emotions, and themselves to provide a better experience for their partner.”
“… Isn’t it just one-sided self-inflicted pain?” Esme kept looking at him, not understanding the pain he had gone through with that thing being called love. Pursing her lips, leaning forward towards him, their eyes meeting as she interlocked her fingers.
“What are you doing?” Ryuk was already thinking about her words and now, feeling her delicate fingers locking with his and seeing her coming closer, he inquired.
“Isn’t it obvious that you will get betrayed by that definition? Wouldn’t those who you compromise for change the moment you stopped compromising for them?” Glancing at his hand interlocked with hers and another hand’s finger moving to his chest, stopping on the firm feeling, making a circle, she added, “So, Mister, why not you give me a chance?”
Tracing her fingers towards the center of his chest, tapping once, she stated, “I will love you no matter what you become, no matter how confusing things will be, no matter at all, just you and me. So, love me, will ya?”
[Host, is this really happening?]
‘….’
“Pfft, Haha, really, Esme?” With bursting laughter, Ryuk’s hand gripped her finger, playing piano without knowing the consequences, his eyes turning intense, the other hand swiftly holding her chin, pulling her near him. “You think hiding that blush, your crashing heartbeat’s sound, and trembling of this finger will make you look tougher, huh?”
GULP
Esme swallowed hard, she did try her best to impress him, but who knew he was aware of everything all along.
‘…’ Looking at her quivering dewy petal lips just a bite away from him, her melted demeanor appearing like a prey in his hand, somewhat trying to trigger him, Ryuk’s hand loosened on her finger and chin, retreating back.
“…I just don’t want to get betrayed by you.” Already having speculated a time when he could be betrayed again, and if it was by her hand, then it would really hurt.
About his previous life, it was love but somewhat based on the factor of them loving him because he saved them.
He was a savior, they were the ones who proposed to him, he accepted them, their mood changed, and they betrayed.
In that time lapse, from the moment he helped them, he wasn’t romantically interested, but his feelings somewhat developed in a short span since the moment they proposed to him, and it only deepened with time.
He was human, and getting attached to something was natural.
It did hurt at that time when all his compromises became building blocks for various reasons to betray him.
He knew each of their reasons—someone wanted to protect her sister, some wanted him for themselves, and some felt helplessness—but never once did anyone ask him for help.
No one shared their problems; they hoped he would guess them by himself, which was possible to some extent but not always.
Slowly, each one of them started leaving at the pace they were saved and entered his life.
He was hurt, but not enough to hate them.
Until the end, when they came between him and his life, his hard work, and even went after everything he had built so far, he snapped, and the rest is history.
But somehow, he knew this girl loved him without anything in return, which would only solidify their connection, and this is what he feared.
If some helplessness occurred again and she betrayed him, this time, he didn’t know what he would do.
Twenty-six years of a lifetime were invested in return for failure. How could he do the same thing again and trust in love?
“You are right, I may betray you one day,” Esme’s voice caused him to glance at her, who in return also did the same, adding, “but I will tell you the reason beforehand. Wouldn’t that be an assurance?”
“That’s a nice way to state things,” Ryuk replied.
“If there is a situation where my betrayal could save your life, will that be called betrayal?” Esme inquired, her eyes fixed on his amber ones.
“No,” Ryuk didn’t find this a betrayal, and he knew none of the previous seven were in a situation where they needed to save his life for betrayal; at least their choices were based on between their family or him.
“Then, why not sign a mana contract with me?” Esme proposed, her eyes showing the need she had for him. This was the only chance to lay everything inside her heart bare.
“Don’t degrade your value, Esme,” Ryuk firmly stated, feeling slightly angered at her words. A relationship should be based on equal grounds.
“Hm, you are right,” Esme placed her finger on her chin, falling into deep thinking, making Ryuk somewhat feel awkward since he was making things harder for her.
“Leave it, Esme, you shouldn’t —” Finally reaching a conclusion, he could give love another chance, but before he could say something, he was interrupted.
“How about you marry me then!” Esme’s eyes lit up, turning towards him with visible joy.
“Really? Fine, we will marry, but not now,” Ryuk could only chuckle, not having any other option but to let her feelings move through his heart.
However, he needed time to become accustomed to her face, which always seemed to bring up memories of others.
He wanted to love her for who she was, not as a replacement for someone else.
“But can’t we marry now? It will be profitable for you, since we will get into a marriage contra—” Before Esme could utter anything else, Ryuk placed his hand on her lips, feeling something moving towards them at a rapid pace. “Mmph?!”
Not paying attention to her words, he closed his eyes, focusing on his hearing senses, but before he could open his eyes, a notification popped up.
[Host, a Flagbearer just arrived on Titanora]
