…What in the world was real anymore?
After parting ways with Viera Islebark, I went back home with the map in my hand, pondering to myself as I wrote the letter.
Just… what in the world was real anymore?
As the years went by, I had begun to wonder.
How much of this heat and passion was real?
Someone told me…
That they didn’t understand why I was so willing to choose a path that I knew would hurt me.
Someone told me…
That I was insane.
And someone told me…
That the sword that I held in my hand wouldn’t be able to slay anything.
They thought that I was possessed by an unknown being.
I longed for it, dreamt of it.
And I wanted to be just like it.
I thought it was a perfectly valid motivation, but for some reason, I couldn’t get the approval of the people around me.
Humans were such strange beings.
If people around you kept telling you that you were crazy, no matter how much you thought otherwise, you would eventually start to believe it.
…Those doubts were coating my thoughts.
“I feel like… if I just keep persevering, I’ll be able to figure it out.”
Nonetheless, I was only sure about one thing.
I aspired to be a “Star Slayer” out of my own free will.
There was no room for anyone else’s intentions to intervene because I genuinely longed to be one.
To begin with, the only way to achieve my dream was to keep reaching out to it.
No matter how many people said it was impossible, I wouldn’t be able to become a “Star Slayer” unless I was willing to go beyond my limits, let alone surpass them.
“No, there’s just no other way for me but to go down this path.”
I wanted to be strong after all.
As long as I became stronger, I would be able to achieve my dream.
I would have the opportunity to prove to everyone that Slaying the Stars was possible.
…But I knew.
Frankly speaking, I knew that I was somewhat out of sync with the rest of the world, with my values entirely different than theirs.
“…In order to be a Star Slayer, I need opportunities. If I don’t take on something that is stronger than myself, I won’t be able to overcome the wall.”
I saw the swordsman’s figure, and I understood it clearly as our eyes met.
I knew I shouldn’t let this opportunity pass by.
Suffice to say, Viera Islebark looked like gold to me, with her surroundings just as valuable as she was.
“I have a role model to follow… A first-rate swordsman to boot.”
Therefore, I had no desire to beg for guidance from some other person.
Because I, of all people, believed that the “Star-Slaying” techniques were the supreme ones.
***
Reaper Scans
***
“But there was a definite difference between me and the swordsman in my dream, something I lacked to a fatal degree.”
—And that was experience and knowledge.
The memories I had acquired on my own through dreams were, from one to a hundred, all memories of battles.
…They were memories of combat by a man with natural talent.
There was only one thing I had learned from my deadly confrontation with that ogre.
That I was not the same as the swordsman in my dream.
And it was such an extremely natural fact.
The reason I waited two years was to learn my limits.
In order to have a chance at being a Star Slayer, I needed to know my limits while there were still people I could rely on around me.
“All the more reason for me not to miss out on a great opportunity… I know my limits, and I’m going to break them. I’m not even strong enough to take on my dream, and that’s why I’m here.”
Thus, I had no choice but to take small detours, overcome the walls, and grow stronger.
Understanding this, this opportunity was perfect for me.
“…It doesn’t matter whether I was sane or not to begin with, let alone I care about it. As long as I can prove that my ‘aspiration’ is the strongest, that’s all that matters.”
I wanted to make it known.
I wanted to wield my sword and show that the art of “Star Slaying” was the strongest.
I chuckled bitterly to myself and wondered if anyone other than me would understand the truth of such a child-like belief.
I looked at the window of my room and saw my reflection there.
A pair of unwavering eyes reflected in my vision.
…It seemed that I have a personality that, once I had decided on the right path, I had to stick to it.
I was a real pain in the ass and a total jerk if I said so myself, trying to make excuses and thinking that it was also for the greater good of the village, just to be able to persist with what I wanted.
“Ahh… I’m really beyond saving…”
I held on to the map that had been handed to me, knowing that Sofia would be very disappointed in me.
“I know it’s hopeless, but I can’t stop.”
Call it instinct, if you will.
The unexplainable fever-like feeling inside of me constantly affirmed this very decision, leaving almost no room for any doubts.
My father said that I was going to die if I went and accepted Viera Islebark’s draft.
I guessed that what he said was true, he never lied to me after all.
He knew that I was a pure and honest person to a fault, and that’s why he rarely lied to me.
Therefore it must be true.
But—
Still…
“I might die, huh? What an unideal stepping stone to be a ‘Star Slayer.’ Bring it on.”
I knew that achieving my dream was a far-reaching feat, so all the more reason for me to challenge it.
It was precisely because I was told that I was going to die that I went head-first in the opposite direction; I could only describe it as a huge fool’s errand, even though it was my own.
So…
“I’m sorry, Sofia. I’m going to take a little detour.”
With that, I folded the letter I was writing and put it away in a drawer.
Once they knew that I wouldn’t be coming to the capital anytime soon, they would surely open and check that place.
“I’m sorry to you too, father.”
I shoved the map into my back pocket, muttering all the apologies in my heart.
Apologies for being such a troublesome boy who still turned his back at all the worries that were put on him.
——
——
pronovels.com
