‘This doesn’t make sense.’ Solus thought. ‘Why do my feelings go up and down like a rollercoaster? How could I be so calm while reforging War into Ragnarök? I was supposed to be distraught and even with Grandma’s presence I-‘
Another wave of sadness threatened to drown her but the despair it brought her didn’t last. Lith was still holding her shoulder while she sat, happy to have her back. Happy to be back with his family.
‘By my Mom, how could I be this stupid?’ Solus thought.
“I’m sorry, but I’d like for everyone to leave except for Mom, Dad, and Quylla.” She actually said.
“Why?” The hurt in Lith’s voice weakened her defenses, causing Solus an emotional pain so intense that it seemed physical.
“Because of our bond.” She replied. “I can’t deal with my feelings with you here. You are my rock and my armor in more than one way. Your presence works even better than Grandma’s because you are not just powerful.
“You also share with me your willpower, your strength, and you ‘infect’ me with a joy that is not mine. I’m sorry if it sounds mean, but I just can’t find a proper term.”
Then, she turned toward Senton, Rena, and the others.
“As for you guys, I’m sorry but being surrounded by so many people makes me feel pitied. I want Mom to be here because I’m a crybaby. I want Dad and Quylla to stay because they are the only ones who can truly understand how I feel without judging me.
“I don’t think I have the strength to open up in front of you all. Not now.”
Her words stung Lith, who wanted to be there for her, but they hurt Raaz more.
‘She wants Elina for emotional support and me because of my experience? Would she kick me out as well if it wasn’t for Orpal kidnaping me? Am I such a shitty parent compared to my wife?’ He looked at his children, hoping they could understand his turmoil and give him an answer.
Yet all they did was smile at him before turning away and leaving.
Without the crowd and the children, Solus felt like she could breathe again.
She didn’t feel the gaze of her fellow mages weighing on her and dissecting her weakness. At the same time, however, without Lith and Salaark there was nothing stopping the emotional onslaught from ravaging her heart.
She felt violated for being forced to follow M’Rael’s orders. Guilty for all the pain that the tower and the Fury had caused. By using the hammer that she had inherited from her mother to hurt Solus’ friends and shatter War, M’Rael had tainted the Fury as well.
She was also appalled by her own actions in massacring the helpless elves after the defeat of the High Chancellor. What she had done while fused with Lith was not only unforgivable, but also the closest thing to Forbidden Magic she had ever done.
“There’s something I need to tell you.” Solus stuttered every other word but she then proceeded to retell everything Salaark had shared via the mind link with her own words.
At the recollection of M’Rael’s first order, she started to cry and her voice broke. As she recounted how the elf had used the Fury to hurt the people she loved, Solus was forced to take a break from time to time to make her words understandable again.
It took over two hours to describe the events that had taken place inside the Fringe and the scars that being enslaved had left in her heart.
She spent the whole time hugging Elina, bawling her eyes out, and blowing her nose on a handkerchief Elina held for Solus like she would for a small child. Elina even cleaned Solus from the snot and kissed her head from time to time, never stopping caressing her back.
Once she was done, Raaz prepared for her a strong tea made even stronger by a few drops of Red Dragon, a liquor meant to intoxicate even Divine Beasts. He sweetened it with plenty of honey, just like Solus liked it.
Her throat was hoarse from the talking and crying so the tea did wonders for her. The honey was a balm for her sour mood while the alcohol spread the equivalent of a warm embrace from inside her body.
After she was done with her tea, Solus looked at her audience who took the prolonged silence as their cue to speak.
“I’m really sorry you had to experience a slave ring as well, Solus, yet I’m also a bit envious of you.” Quylla took Solus’ hand in her own and looked her in the eyes, showing there was no mockery in her words.
“Envious?” Solus echoed, that word making her feel as if Mogar had been turned upside down.
“Yes, envious.” Quylla nodded. “Because you hurt Faluel and the others but they are still alive whereas Yurial is gone and I killed him.”
An awkward silence filled the room while the youngest of the Ernas stared at her own hands, still seeing the red of Yurial’s blood covering them. Feeling the weight of the enchanted knife Nalear had given her. Seeing the ring on her finger.
To that day, Quylla never wore rings aside from the spell-holding ones and whenever she put one on, her hands trembled.
Solus lowered her gaze, knowing that it was no competition, but Quylla was right. She had it way worse.
“Also, I’m envious because at least you had the World Tree to talk to.” Quylla said, delivering her a second blow. “Being under Nalear’s slave spell was the same as when M’Rael ordered you not to think.
“I was a prisoner of my mind. My body moved on its own, showing emotions that I didn’t feel and saying words that weren’t mine. I remember screaming, crying, and yelling, but no one could listen to me.
“With every order I had to follow, every time I failed to resist Nalear’s command, I lost hope of being rescued. At least, everyone knew you were enslaved. You saw your friends fight for you, not against you.
“The Tree kept you company whereas I was alone, slowly delving into madness and hoping that someone would kill me before I was forced to enact Nalear’s kill orders.” A tear streamed down Quylla’s cheek at the memory.
“After they took Nalear’s ring off from me, it wasn’t the remorse that destroyed me. I was already broken from the prolonged isolation. And when I felt the dagger stab Mom, I gave up on myself.
“Killing Yurial pushed me over the edge. It wasn’t an accident. I did try to kill myself by burning my life force to save my mother back then.” Everyone knew that, but until that moment Quylla had never found the strength to admit it.
Solus nodded, feeling compassion for her friend and a sick relief from not having ever thought even for one second about taking her own life.
Raaz offered Quylla a tea, this time spiked with regular alcohol and with less than half its weight in honey. She wasn’t crying, but she needed a pretext to swallow a lot and a bit of time to compose herself.
