[“Well, Lith too started by doing chores and with my weak body and core I’m not going to fight magical beasts.”] Kamila replied, also in English.
She and Solus had kept their word about sharing a secret language and always spoke it when they were alone or with Elysia to practice it. Also, since the baby was so smart, they expected Elysia to learn it along with Tyris’ universal language.
[“Still, using fire fusion to move the furniture, water fusion to stretch, and air fusion to go faster while also retaining your precision was a brilliant idea.”] Solus said.
[“Yeah, sure.”] Kamila said with a sneer. [“Now let’s practice some real magic.”]
Before Solus could tell her that all magic was real magic, Kamila started practicing the Pilfer spell for the first time since Elysia’s birth. It was the second step in learning how to create a Warp Steps and required to create two small stable Gates at a variable distance.
Back when she was pregnant, Kamila had managed to split the energy sphere into two black dots and stretch them into an event horizon. Now, however, things weren’t going that smoothly.
Without Elysia’s affinity toward the elements and with a measly yellow core, Kamila managed to make a single minuscule golden sphere that blew up into sparks in a matter of seconds.
[“This doesn’t make sense.”] Kamila said. [“I remember the theory and how the mana flow is supposed to feel. I’ve done this countless times so why am I failing now?”]
Solus took a deep breath and delivered the cold truth.
[“Because your core is too weak to power up the spell matrix enough and because your mana flow is too rough. You are handling the elements like brooms whereas before you used them like scalpels.”]
[“What do you- Oh.”] Only then did Kamila remember how while pregnant she always felt where the flow of mana was too strong or weak, adjusting the elemental balance by instinct without giving it much thought.
Solus showed her how to perform Pilfer properly via a mind link but even then, the spark of light was barely visible and lasted a handful of seconds before Kamila started panting.
[“Let’s do something else. Maybe a Fireball.”] Solus said. [“Let’s move to the gard-“]
[“Heck, no.”] Kamila cut her short. [“I’ll just practice Loop then.”]
It was the simplest and most basic dimensional magic exercise, creating two minuscule rifts at a fixed distance. Kamila tried and failed until she had to use Invigoration.
She ran out of mana multiple times without succeeding once before giving up.
“There’s nothing wrong with it.” Solus switched to Mogarian to help Kamila relax.
Unlike Solus who had all of Lith’s memories from Earth in her head, Kamila had to remember the words, the grammar, idioms, everything. It put even more stress on her mind and made every failure worse.
“Dimensional magic is damn hard. Only the six great academies teach it and they don’t admit anyone with less than a green core. Even then, more than half the students fail to learn it.”
“I guess you are right.” Kamila nodded, feeling a bit better about her bruised ego. “I’m still too weak. Let’s start practicing again once I reach the green.”
“Excellent idea!” Solus nodded. “Let’s go to the garden, now. We can join the kids’ games and show them how the grownups fight.”
“I’ll race you there.” Kamila cast a flight spell. “Last one to the garden cooks for a week. In your case, you also taste your food before serving it.”
“That’s food poisoning and that’s cheating!” Solus was still weaving her own spells when it happened.
Kamila lost control of the air currents that were supposed to follow her will and propel her through the air, crashing against a door’s frame and then tumbling onto the ground.
“Good gods, Kami, are you alright?” Solus Blinked to her, finding Kamila sobbing in a fetal position.
A quick use of Invigoration showed Solus that even in her panic Kamila had used earth fusion to resist the impact, darkness fusion to keep the pain at bay, and light fusion to mend her wounds while she cast a healing spell.
‘Thank the gods between her enhanced body and the Voidfeather armor she didn’t get seriously hurt. She just failed another spell.’ Solus thought.
“Kami, why are you crying? According to my spell, you’ve already fixed everything by yourself. Where does it hurt?” She actually asked.
“Everywhere.” Kamila said with rage and sadness in equal amounts. “It hurts everywhere. It hurts here when I fail to understand the things that I assumed I had mastered.” Kamila touched her temple.
“It hurts here when I tap into my mana for a spell and find a dry well where once there was a lake.” She then touched the area between the solar plexus and the navel, where her mana core was.
“It hurts here when the things that were once as light as feathers now feel like lead, myself included.” Kamila brushed her legs and arms. “I can’t even fly properly anymore. Let’s hear your excuse of the day, master.
“How is this not me being a piece of trash this time?” She went back hugging her own knees, sobbing.
“That’s not true at all.” Solus replied. “Flying isn’t that easy. It took Lith days to start floating on his own and then-”
“Bullshit! The kids do it and they are seven!” Kamila cut Solus short. “It’s a tier three spell that all magicas can use. Everyone but me.”
“Yes, but actually no.” Solus was starting to cry as well. “The kids do it because they have a bright yellow core and because Lith taught them from scratch during his boot camp at the Hot Pot, remember?”
Kamila nodded, but her grimace didn’t change.
“Then, once the kids got home, they practiced every day and failed countless times before succeeding, just like the magicas you talk about.”
“The boot camp lasted less than one week.” Kamila’s voice was filled with spite but it was addressed at herself. “Also, how is everything we did together during my pregnancy inferior to what the children did?
“You taught me for months, spoon-feeding me knowledge with no effort on my part!”
Solus was about to point out that while the kids had built their foundations normally Kamila was now rebuilding everything from scratch, when the outburst became much worse.
“I’m just a failure of a mage as I am of a mother.” Kamila started sobbing harder and harder. “I can’t do anything right. I can’t use magic, I can’t fly, I can’t even understand why my baby cries.
“I’m helpless to calm Elysia down whereas you and Lith always find a way. Maybe it was wrong of me to ask you to be Elysia’s mother as well.”
Those words hurt Solus deeply, but what came after did much worse.
“Maybe you should be the only mother she has.” Kamila sobbed. “You are good with magic, beautiful, and you even have Elysia’s same streaks. No one will ever believe she’s my daughter anyway.
“I’m nothing but a cow. Good only to make milk. I don’t deserve to be in Elysia’s life. I’m useless.”
